Why it’s Tough being Bisexual (NSFW)

It should really go without saying but this post will contain a lot of strong adult language of a sexual nature. Why does today’s society expect me to point that out. There’s literally ‘sexual’ in the title. People are so easily offended. (No offence…) If you’re offended by anything in this post, I offer my sympathies. I’m a very open minded person without a whole lot of filter. But it’s your choice to get offended, you have more power over your thoughts than I do. So.

offence

Hokay.

derf

Basically, I love the peen AND the vajiiiin. I love boobs and balls (that’s a lie, no one really loves balls, right? They’re there and they’re funny to play with but they’re a massive design flaw). If we’re going to get technical, I’m pansexual, which means being attracted to people regardless of gender identification. I was only introduced to this word very recently though, and still see myself as bisexual because for a long time that was the only word for ‘not quite gay but not completely straight’.

In the grand scheme of things, being bisexual isn’t *really* tough. I don’t wake up every morning with this huge existential angst looming over me. It’s only most mornings, and it has to compete with all of the other existential crises. One of the others usually wins.

*However* I do have my own personal struggles, and whilst the world is definitely becoming more open minded and accepting of the myriad of differences between us all, I don’t feel like bisexuals get a whole lot of focus. We’re not as mysterious and fabulous as transsexuals; it’s not as big of a deal coming out as bi as coming out as 100% gay. There’s not that much of a shock factor and, like all great (I don’t watch them but I’ve heard people say they’re great) reality TV shows, it’s only exciting if it’s really out there and shocking.

I want to start off by saying that I am in a very solid long term relationship with a wonderful man. We haven’t really had the big ‘where is the relationship going in the future’ chat, because we’re both really easy going and plans rarely ever work out exactly how you want them to anyway. I’m not really sold on the idea of traditional marriage or children, so we are what we are and that works for us. We have a very deep love and trust and I do feel that I’m very lucky to have him. He’s incredibly supportive and understanding when it comes to my sexuality.

My ‘Coming Out’ Story

I was a very sexually curious child. I knew very early on that Princess Jasmine made me feel fuzzy in my special place and if I tickled this button it made my leg twitch.

jasmine

I almost gave my mum a heart attack when she noticed my little face pop round the shower curtain when she was in there. I didn’t know women were hairy when they grew up.

When one of my best friends discovered masturbation and the other girls were horrified I was all “oh wait you don’t do that every night as standard so you can fall asleep? No me either. Gross”

miley

I was obsessed with boobs as a teenager. I thought it was because ballet had stunted my growth and I still looked like a skinny boy when all the girls around me were getting curves. I felt creepy and guilty when I’d get all flushed in the changing rooms for P.E. trying not to stare but still looking.

AND THEN THIS HAPPENED

…and then I knew I was definitely hot for girls. But also Seth Cohen.

I was a late bloomer. It took me so long to become attractive that I was completely unaware that I was attractive and it still kinda feels like a cruel joke and someone’s going to jump out at me like “PSYCHE YOU’RE ACTUALLY FUGLY WE WERE LYING TO MAKE YOU FEEL BETTER BUT IT’S GONE ON LONG ENOUGH WE’RE BORED OF THE PRETENCE IT TAKES UP SO MUCH TIME”. Boo fricking Hoo poor attractive girl, right? I know you’re thinking it.

BUT WAIT. I was anorexic, braces, acne, and the acne has only just dried up over the last year. So FUCK ME for being surprised that under all of that suffocating low self esteem there’s actually an attractive girl beginning to find herself.

So because of all that, I dated the very first boy that showed some interest. My mother never sat me down and had the ‘Your body is sacred, only give it to someone who is worthy’ chat with me, and so I gave it to anyone that said I was pretty. Then I’d date and that’d end and I’d go back to fucking anyone that wanted me again. I was just so happy that a male actually wanted to touch my thing with his thing. I never had that period of self discovery. I really think that everyone owes it to themselves to be single and committed to being alone with themselves for a decent amount of time. I never sat down and really figured my life out based on what actually wanted and to be brutally honest I do sometimes worry that I’ll wake up one day like

“Oh shit it really was a phase I am straight(lol)-up a MEGALEZ”

I kid. I’ve actually given it a lot of thought and it is a big part of my personality but I’ve not really spoken about it as frankly as I’m going to in this post. A lot of the below will just be for the laughs though so don’t take me too seriously.

I’ve told my parents that I’m bisexual.

I slipped it in (lol) to conversation once at a family dinner and they said “When you’re dating, you’re always welcome to bring a guy to meals like this” and I said:

“or, you know, a girl….?”

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Here are some of my issues with being bi.

Bisexuals are just greedy

HAHAHAHAHANO. (…jealous?) I’m not a slut. I’m not dining at the person buffet every night. A lot of people say this. I feel like it’s almost become a knee jerk response to the word bisexual and it’s not funny. If you’re one of these people, stop it. It’s completely unnecessary. Like ‘straight people are boring or prudish’. Doesn’t sit well, does it.

It’s just a phase/for attention/to get guys to buy you drinks/so guys know you’re up for a threesome/so guys find you more attractive/to play hard to get with guys

what

Bisexuals are just closet gays that aren’t ready to come out 

Well yes, kind sir, some people possibly are. Some people say that they’re bisexual because they’re so scared of being completely fucking ostracised for having feelings that aren’t the societal norm that they need to pave the way slowly. THEY DO THAT BECAUSE PEOPLE LIKE YOU THINK THEY CAN SAY SHIT LIKE THAT.

For the majority of us, however, we are not simply confused. We know, for a fact, that our brain finds men and women equally attractive. We know, for a fact, that we could be in a solid relationship with both men and women.

It is very confusing though to be in a perfectly happy relationship with a guy whilst knowing that I could be equally as satisfied in a relationship with a girl but what if I never get to experience that? Would I just have a happy life with a wonderful man and a couple of kids and ignore it for years and years and years but it would still be there at the bottom of that third bottle of wine with the girls and suddenly I go quiet and say I’m fine but my cover’s already been blown by the silent torrent of tears and they’re like “Again, Amy? Really? ”

…or, you know, whatever.

My Straight Girl Friends

That deep sense of guilt and shame when I get just a tad too handsy with my straight girl friends when I’m drunk and they know I’m attracted to women and they look at me trying to work out if I’m actually coming on to them and they remind me that I’m in the friend zone. That must actually be how guys feel a lot of the time. That sucks. Poor guys.

fz

Flirting

Realising I’m accidentally flirting with a girl because Im excited because they’re pretty and talking to me.

*OR*

Realising that a girl’s flirting with me and I don’t actually know how to flirt back because they’re a girl and I’m excited because they’re pretty and talking to me.

ah

Actual lesbians might not want to have sex with me

Because I know practically nothing about having sex with girls

(except that one really drunk night with the girl I flirted with for years and then had a huge screaming argument that turned into passionate lovemaking on the bathroom floor during a house party like a scene straight out of a teen angst movie)

because I spent all of my learning days perfecting the art of sucking dick and I have no idea what to do with a vagina that isn’t my own.

annlick

How do I get accepted into the LGBTQ+ community??

I don’t have many lesbian friends. I have my GBF John and I currently work in Sports so I know quite a few lesbians but we don’t socialise outside of work.

I just made a new friend who is a lesbian but we’ve gone for tea *once* so it’s very new and I’m hoping I’ll get to meet some of her friends and be introduced to a more diverse group.

I’m also absolutely going to Brighton & Hove Pride this year. Give me a shout if you’re also going!

Where are all the femmes??

I am *mostly* a feminine girl. I’m not usually attracted to the more butch lady. Problem is, I look straight. They look straight. Is there a secret universal hand signal? A mating ritual? A special dance? Do you go straight in with “Hey there do you like girls or do you LIKE like girls?” A flag? Neon sign?? Can you make friends without them thinking you want to be more than friends?

emmawink

How many girls can I check out in the street before my boyfriend thinks it’s inappropriate?

With my boyfriend, it turns out, there are never too many times. He’s great. As long as I point her out so he can appreciate as well. There’s been a few times when I’ve been mid sentence and trailed off because…yoga pants…and he’s had to bring me back to what I was saying and got a bit “Hey..!” but I’m very open about it and apologised. Just because two people are in a relationship does not mean that neither of you are ever going to find other people attractive ever again. Doesn’t happen, and you can’t expect that of each other.

It’s actually brought us closer together because he knows I’m never going to be all “Oh my God I cannot believe you were looking at/talking to/hanging out with another girl are you cheating on me??? Did you fuck her??? No? Do you WANT to fuck her??”

….because chances are I’ve also got a crush on said girl and I would also get freaky with her given the chance if I was single. We have very similar taste in the ladies. But we have boundaries.

We have 100% trust and we both know that if one of us cheats then it’s point break 100% over. No on-again-off-again. We set that rule from the start. We also set the rule that if either of us decides they want to sleep with another person, then they’d better finish the relationship first because it’s just downright disrespectful otherwise. You can’t choose who you fall for. It happens. You can choose who you hurt in the process. Show a little compassion. Life lesson.

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So there you have it. Some thoughts of mine on my sexuality. What I’m trying to say is that life and love are never easy. There will always be things, feelings and people that confuse you, and that’s okay. Be who you are. Don’t worry if you’re not sure. Just be honest. Comments below 🙂

 

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